As part of some lighter reading on the weekend, I stumbled upon an apology to 8 year old Dougie Walker, from fully grown Doug Walker that made me laugh out loud. I wanted to do my own list, but after some thought, there are some things that would be discouraging, but for the most part, Johnny would be very pleased.
So, I’m sorry that:
- I do not work for a covert government agency that has made me bionic
- but! I do work for a company that has given me a computer that makes Rudy’s lab look like a dump, and Steve’s phone look stupid
- I don’t have a Donkey Kong machine that I never need quarters for
- but! Halo 3 beyatches!
- I don’t have a lightsaber
- but! Chris Penn does
- I don’t own every atari video game
- but! Halo 3 beyatches!
- I am not a member of the Justice League
- but! I have super hearing with my Marantz recorder, super vision with my Canon Telephoto lens, I fly all the time on important missions
- I have not traveled through time
- but! I have ridden in the 6 passenger DeLorean, and been in the lab where Bruce Banner became the Hulk
- I don’t have the Drake’s Cake’s truck dropping off Swiss Rolls and Yodels daily
- but! I don’t look like Jabba the Hutt
- I haven’t saved a town that was about to flood by blowing up a dam with dynamite
- and I have no response for that one, sorry bud.
- I am not a member of KISS
- but! I have every song I’ve ever liked and I carry them all on a box smaller than a pack of cigarettes
- I do not ride with Jon and Gage from Emergency! around in a Rescue Fire Truck
- but! I understand that TV is phony crap and rescue guys deal with mangled bodies all the time and that would make me pass out.
- I’m not an interstellar bounty hunter looking for Han Solo
- still kind of bummed about that one…
